When I look back into my childhood and I think of the word “mom”, it hurts. Momma, you didn’t seem to be around much nor present. You stole from me those precious moments we could have had. Momma I needed you, where were you?
Time has shown me that I am not alone and that other women are going through this with their mom. The mom wound, is so hurtful and it also makes it hard to connect with other women at times. The truth is we are dealing with a mommy issue that needs healing in order to flourish into the woman we need to be. Taking the time to heal from this wound is so necessary in order to connect with others and also to be able to walk into motherhood with freedom. Satan is the one that likes to divide and your mother is the one that pushed through the pain in order to see you here today.
Many times, I have blamed my past on you, the reason for my mistakes, and many times I said I didn’t want to be you. The hurt of your absence has wounded my soul. There were many times, I considered never talking to you again. Your presence was so hurtful that I would rather never see you again. Growing up it felt as if I was your mom. I hated this part because I so desperately desired the ideal mom I would see in movies. I have judged you, disliked you, and gossiped about you. It’s easier to talk about you in a negative way than to try and focus on your good qualities. Focusing on your good qualities and efforts would ignore the pain of the wounded little girl. It would be a free pass to let you go and not have you pay for your lack in the area of motherhood.
All those years I disliked you could have been the years I could have known you. I am the one that has missed out on you momma.
One day, God broke through the walls of pain/anger and gave me the desire to forgive you. It wasn’t easy, it was really awkward at times. And many times, I didn’t get the exact apology I wanted. But over the years, I have tried with you. One time, I did this by going to the beach with momma and sitting down on the sand with her and I asked for forgiveness. Another time I did it by writing a letter expressing my feelings, I have tried so many things to see healing in our relationship. It has been worth it, I see it now.
Asking you for forgiveness was necessary because I too hurt your soul, momma. You have asked for forgiveness, not the way I wanted but you have and that is healing to my soul. Time doesn’t heal, it’s inviting Jesus into our pain that can heal and redeem our lost time.
The years in anger blinded me. I see now that all along you were trying your best as a single mother. You were gone all the time because you needed to provide for us. I now know that you were also going through things and growing through them.
Forgiving you has allowed me to see you for who you are: You are the mom I always dreamed of having. You are kind. You are generous. You are loving. You are funny. You make an effort. You are fun to be around. You are a good friend to have. You help me out a lot. You give the best hugs ever. You are someone I look up to.
Whether your mom is here today or gone from this earth, I want to encourage you to give her the gift of forgiveness this Mother’s Day.
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.