The difference between Sex when you are married & when you are not…

Sex is intimacy between two individuals. Sex allows us to become one as our bodies join together. Not only is our body involved but it become so much more as we are now allowing someone into our mind, soul, body, and spirit. 

There is beauty in being vulnarable and I am about to get real with you. Let me share with you my sex life in the past and my sex life today. Even though some of you might feel uncomfortable reading this, my hope is to show you the beauty of intamicy.


I started to willingly have sex at the age of 17 years old, with someone I was in a committed relationship with, and from that point forward with whomever I was in a long-term relationship with. I didn’t believe in just having a one night stand, I believed that if I was going to have sex it was going to be with someone I who I was commited to.


Welcome into my past sex life 
Sex was for pleasure! It meant my partner and I were coming together, in order to f**k the brains out of each other. Sex was lustful and filled with dirty thoughts that took us to dirty places. For me, for example: it was bringing into the bedroom the fantasies I watched on porn earlier that week or imagining I was getting pleased by someone else rather than my partner. Having sex toys in the bedroom was a must, as if our bodies weren’t enough to pleasure one another. Sex left me feeling empty and wanting more, yet it was never fulfilling. It left me feeling shameful, as I was allowing my mind to be filled with disturbing thoughts and reminding me that, even though I was giving myself away, I still wasn’t married. With all honesty, I say that the years I wasted outside marriage having sex were pointless. I say this because it took years for me to heal from my past sex life.

Welcome into my Sex life today as a Married Woman
When I had sex for the first time as a married woman it had been almost 4 years since I had sex. I took those years to focus on healing, and on my relationship with God. I stopped cold turkey watching pornography and masturbating. It was not always easy but I would pray and ask God for help. I also fasted to help me learn self-control. During my time of healing, I remember thinking to myself I could never marry a virgin because I just didn’t feel worthy of sleeping with someone who was pure. As time went by, I began to learn my identity in Christ and He began to show me that even though I had a past, He saw me made new and made pure. I ended up marrying a virgin and it has become my greatest blessing. Even though I wish I could have waited for him, God is bringing healing into my soul by reminding me through my husband that I am made new. Our sex life is so beautiful and pure. The best way I can describe it, is as if I am putting my tippy toes in clear clean water, that is the vision I get when I think of our sex life. 


We both came into our marriage with no experience, as I had to relearn everything and do it God’s way. I also now had to get my satisfaction from pure thoughts rather than past thoughts. Our sex life, consists of relying on God and I wouldn’t have it any other way because every time we do it, it’s like a breath of fresh air. 


To end this, my encouragement to you is to wait and begin to heal. Invite God into the brokeness of your soul and ask Him to heal you. You and your future spouse deserve the best you that God saw from the beginning. The purity of your mind, body, spirit, and soul is far more worth it, than someone who can’t commit to you or honor you.

Ephesians 5:3

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

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